Homemaking vs Working Mom: Finding Your Calling

There’s a question that quietly follows a lot of us around—especially when the kids are little, the bills are loud, and your brain is running 37 tabs at once:

Am I called to be a homemaker… or a working mom?

And if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably tried to “figure it out” like it’s a math problem. Like if you pray hard enough, journal long enough, or read the right book, you’ll finally land on the one perfect answer—and you’ll never question it again.

But motherhood doesn’t work like that.

Calling in motherhood is often less like a final destination… and more like learning how to walk with God through real life—season by season—without letting guilt, pressure, or comparison run the show.

And yes, this is where the homemaking vs working mom debate can feel heavy. Because it’s never just about a job. It’s about identity. It’s about what you believe a “good mom” looks like. There’s an idea in society about what a good mom should be—often shaped by stereotypes or outdated beliefs—and many women feel pressure to fit into these roles. Many mothers feel societal pressure to choose between being a working mom or a stay-at-home mom, leading to feelings of inadequacy regardless of their choice. It’s about finances. For many families, the reality of living on one income is a significant factor in the decision, as many women balance multiple responsibilities both inside and outside the home. It’s about capacity. And sometimes it’s about grief—grief that life doesn’t look the way you pictured.

Society often expects working mothers to be strong, independent, and career-driven while also being perfect parents. This can lead to guilt and shame, especially when working mothers feel they are not doing enough for their children or are struggling to meet these expectations. Many working mothers experience unique mom guilt as they try to balance work and family responsibilities.

I’ve lived this tension from multiple angles, and I want to share what I’ve learned (and what I’m still learning), because I truly believe God is not trying to confuse you. He’s trying to lead you. Many mothers internalize these societal expectations, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and guilt, no matter which path they choose.

My Story: When the Plan Looked Perfect (Until It Didn’t)

I graduated from college at 23 with a double major in advertising and media and interactive media + website design. I was excited—like really excited—to enter the workforce and climb the corporate ladder. I had ambition, vision, and a real desire to build something meaningful.

But pretty quickly, the design work I found in the corporate world felt… boring. Uninspiring. So I transitioned into digital marketing, and that ended up becoming the career I’ve worked in for the last 12 years.

Life moved fast after that.

I got married at 24. Had my first child at 25. And before I knew it, I had three kids back-to-back—at one point, I literally had three kids in diapers.

And I’m also an immigrant. Most of my family lives in Zimbabwe and England, so support can feel far away. I do have an incredible mother-in-law—she’s a retired teacher, fit, active, and helps us when we need it. But there’s still something uniquely heavy about building family life without your own family close by. There are seasons where you feel it deeply. Both working and stay-at-home parents face unique challenges as they raise their children, and the approach each parent takes can shape the experience for both themselves and their kids.

I loved marketing. I still do in many ways. But marketing—especially in high-pressure agencies—can be demanding and not always family-friendly. And that combination (big career + little kids + limited support) will stretch you in ways you can’t fully understand until you’re living it. Research has shown that mothers who were employed during their children’s infancy reported better overall health than stay-at-home moms.

What “Calling” Actually Means in Motherhood

When we say “calling,” we often mean: “God, what am I supposed to be doing with my life?”

But calling in motherhood isn’t always a single role you pick and then stay in forever.

Sometimes, calling is simply: faithfulness in the season you’re in.

And seasons change.

A season where you’re fully home with babies might shift into a season where you work for financial stability, or you may find yourself staying at home with a baby after a period of working. A season where you work full-time might shift into part-time, freelancing, or staying home for a while. Sometimes you’re called to something that feels peaceful and natural. Sometimes you’re called to something that requires endurance and trust.

No matter the shift in roles, it’s important to find balance between work and home life.

Calling is not just what you do. It’s who you’re becoming while you do it.

Remember, quality is more important than quantity in parenting, and most children can thrive with parenting that is good enough, not perfect.

Why the Homemaking vs Working Mom Debate Feels So Intense

I think there’s so much pressure for women to pick a side.

• Stay-at-home mom
• Working mom

And you’re expected to plant your flag and defend it like it’s a personality type.

But real life—especially in this economy—is not always that simple.

Sometimes you work because you have to, making the choice that is in the best interest of your family. Sometimes you stay home because it’s what your family needs, also acting in the best interest of your children. Sometimes you do both and feel like you’re failing at both, and both working mothers and home moms can experience guilt over not spending enough time with their children.

And then you add social media. One side can make you feel lazy or dependent. The other side can make you feel selfish or absent. Other moms can contribute to feelings of guilt and comparison, making you question your own parenting choices. And meanwhile, you’re just trying to love your kids, honor God, and keep everyone fed.

There’s so much pressure to pick a side, but research shows that children of working moms grow up to be just as happy as those of stay-at-home moms, and a child’s love is the same regardless of whether their mother works outside the home or not.

That’s why I want to say this clearly:

You are not less of a mother because you work. Also, you are not less valuable because your work is at home.

Effective parenting is about love, care, and making mindful choices for your family, not about your employment status.

When I Started Feeling the Pull Away From My Career

Over the years, I started to feel this pull away from my career. Not because I didn’t like marketing, but because I was tired. Burnt out. And honestly, I was searching for clarity about what my “real” calling was.

That’s when I started trying all kinds of business ideas.

I tried Christian apparel. I tried an eco-friendly dropshipping business. I tried Etsy.

I was all over the place, constantly busy with new ideas and responsibilities.

And I wasn’t being realistic. I was trying to do too much at the same time, without the structure or clarity to carry it. Most of those projects didn’t work out, and I became overwhelmed. When you’re overwhelmed and scattered, it doesn’t just impact your side projects—it affects your wellbeing, your marriage, your patience, your focus… everything. Being so busy with endless tasks can make you miss out on important moments with your family or even time for self-care.

The hard truth is: too many ideas can start to feel like confusion, and confusion is exhausting to live in. Sometimes, in the midst of all this busyness and confusion, I wonder what I might miss—whether it’s special moments with my kids or simply a sense of peace.

Years went by, and a sense of unfulfillment started to take over. Part of it was burnout. Part of it was feeling like I needed a break—but not being able to take one because of financial stress. And part of it was that my husband and I had never really sat down and talked through the possibility of me stepping away from my career.

So I kept going… but I didn’t feel settled.

The Daydream: Homemaking, Homeschooling, and Sourdough Bread

At some point, I found myself daydreaming about a completely different life.

A quiet home. Homeschooling. Baking sourdough bread. Being fully present.

I imagined managing the house each day—keeping things organized, preparing meals, and making sure everyone had something to eat as part of our daily routine. Sometimes, I even pictured myself preparing a three-course dinner for the family, making mealtime a special event.

And then I got let go from my job.

Instead of panicking, I took advantage of that moment and told my husband, “I don’t want to work anymore. I want to homeschool.”

At the time, my children were attending private school, and with me not working, it honestly made sense to give homeschooling a shot.

And after a couple of months, I started to enjoy it.

But the start was rough.

I didn’t have the right curriculum. I was flying solo without a co-op group. And if you’ve ever stepped into homeschooling without support, you know it can feel like you’re building the plane while flying it.

Structuring our week became essential, balancing lessons, running errands, and managing all the household tasks that kept our days moving. Through it all, I realized how important it was to spend quality time with my children during this season, focusing on meaningful moments together.

Still, there was something so beautiful about that season. It felt like I was living the dream I had been holding in my heart.

When Life Shifted Again (And I Had to Let Go of the Fantasy)

Then my husband lost his job.

And suddenly, going back to work wasn’t a “maybe.” It was a priority. The need for money and pay became central to our decision, as providing for our family required a steady income. Living on one income was challenging, and it impacted our choices about childcare, daily expenses, and long-term plans.

And this is where I’m grateful for what God did in me—because this time, I didn’t get swept away in what I thought my life should look like.

Instead, I chose to trust God.

I may not be the stay-at-home mom I imagined. But I can still have a balance of both. Going back to work doesn’t mean I’m no longer a homemaker. It doesn’t mean I can’t educate my kids. It doesn’t mean I can’t bake sourdough bread.

Balancing both roles means I spend many hours a day working and caring for my family, often juggling tasks late into the evening. The benefit is that financial independence gives me peace of mind and security for my family. Still, I constantly need to find a balance between my work responsibilities and homemaking.

It just means this is the season God has allowed—and I want to live it with peace, not resistance.

And honestly? My ups and downs have made me appreciate the gifts God has already put in my hands. Even my career is a gift.

I believe God created me for such a time as this. And I want to do well and finish well in the season I’m in now.

3 Things That Helped Me Find Peace (Without “Picking a Side”)

1) Conviction: What is God asking of me right now?

Not what TikTok says. Not what someone else says. Not what your guilt says.

What is God actually asking you to do in this season?

Sometimes the answer is: provide.
Sometimes the answer is: rest.
Sometimes the answer is: simplify.
Sometimes the answer is: serve your home in a more focused way.
Sometimes the answer is: step into work with excellence and gratitude.

2) Capacity: What can I carry without losing myself?

Capacity is real. Emotional capacity. Physical capacity. Spiritual capacity.

In some seasons, you can work and thrive.
In other seasons, you can work and barely survive.

Capacity isn’t a weakness. It’s wisdom.

3) Constraints: What realities do I have to honor right now?

Finances matter. Support matters. Child needs matter. Your marriage matters.

Sometimes you choose to work because you have to.
Sometimes you choose homemaking because you can.

Neither option automatically makes you “more called.” It just means you’re being faithful inside real-life constraints.

You Might Be Both (And That’s Not Failing)

Here’s what I’ve come to believe:

We don’t have to live in extremes.

There is so much pressure for women to pick a side—homemaking vs working mom—when the truth is… you might need to be both. In fact, many women find themselves balancing both roles, and mothers working is a common reality in today’s world.

And there is no shame in doing both.

You make the most of what God provides. You keep asking for His direction. And you stay open to the possibility that the season could shift again. Parenting, especially when you have four kids or more, brings unique challenges and impacts your daily routines in ways that require flexibility and grace.

I’m choosing to work hard in every situation:

• Be the best mom I can be, even if it means spending quality time with my children for just a few hours each day
• Do my best as a homemaker
• Do my best at my marketing job

Maintaining relationships with friends and finding free time as a mom can be difficult, but it’s important for emotional well-being. Research suggests that children of working moms may benefit in measurable ways, and having a working mother provides a model for managing both employment and domestic responsibilities, promoting attitudes of gender equality. Both daughters and sons benefit from seeing their mother balance work and home, learning valuable lessons about resilience and priorities. Studies also show that children of working mothers grow up to be just as happy as those of stay-at-home mothers.

And I’ll keep praying until God opens other doors.

But for now? I’m choosing not to live in a constant “what if.”

God is not a God of confusion. Therefore, I don’t want to be a person with a confused mind.

I want a steady mind. A grateful heart. And faithful hands—whether they’re wiping counters at home or typing in an office.

Practical Encouragement if You’re Stuck Right Now

If you’re struggling with this tension, here are a few simple things you can do:

• Pray for clarity, not perfection.
• Talk to your husband honestly about finances, needs, and what you both want your family life to look like.
• Pick a “season plan” (90 days or 6 months) instead of demanding a forever decision.
• Release the pressure to prove yourself to other people.
• Choose gratitude on purpose—it changes everything.
• Acknowledge and manage ‘working mom guilt’—especially if you feel guilty about using daycare or missing school events due to work. Remember, many moms experience these feelings, and it’s okay to seek support.
• Recognize that half of working moms say having children makes it difficult to advance their careers, and more than half report that work makes it harder to be a good parent.
• Understand that stay-at-home moms often feel isolated and may lack support from other moms.
• Both working and stay-at-home moms experience stress related to parenting, so they prioritize self-care and connection with others.

Final Thoughts: Calling Looks Like Faithfulness Today

If you take nothing else from this post, I hope you take this:

Your calling in motherhood doesn’t have to fit neatly into a label.

You can be a working mom and still be deeply committed to homemaking. You can be a homemaker and still be ambitious, gifted, and purpose-driven. You can be in a season that isn’t your dream season—and still live it with peace and faith.

God is leading you.

And the more you surrender the pressure to “pick the perfect identity,” the more room you make for His wisdom to guide your next step.

There is no biblical commandment that says it is wrong for women to work outside the home, and the belief that women should not work outside the home is actually a relatively new concept that emerged after the Industrial Revolution.

Homemaking vs working mom isn’t always a battle. Sometimes it’s a balance, where God can meet you in the middle.

At the end of the day, whether you are homemaking, working, or balancing both, every mom is doing her best in parenting and deserves grace and support.

If this post hit home for you, I’d love to hear from you: Are you in a season of homemaking, working, or trying to do both?